What a couple of days!! I feel like the past 48 hours have flown by in a blur, but it’s all SO FUCKING GOOD!
I have made a decision NOT to talk to AP about the comments that he made – I realise that it is just his insecurities coming out because everything else between us is going so well. I didn’t get anything malicious from what he said, and I am sure he doesn’t actually truly believe I’m out shagging other blokes … it’s just the insecurity talking. Besides, everything else about Girlfriend-Ville is – well it’s great!!
Plus, his family member has been around, so we hadn’t had a huge amount of private time together and that wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have with the possibility of anybody else listening! By then it had got to a point that bringing it up was too far after the mark anyway, so I have just let it drop. It’s really not worth making a big deal of something that I recognise as insecurity in a new relationship after being single for so long after a psycho ex! Hell if anybody reads insecure well then it’s me! BUT if he does say anything similar again, I will say something there and then because it does hurt my feelings even if it’s not intentional.
I went back to kickboxing training tonight. I graded for my 2nd brown belt a year ago and then because of life, crap at home, lack of money etc I just never went back again. I didn’t purposely stop going … I guess I just lost my whole mojo! Tonight I went back for the first time and it was SO NICE to see familiar faces – and of course the enormous compliments on my weight loss! I’ve lost 3.5 stone (almost 50lbs) since I saw any of these people and it was almost soooo funny how they all laughed at my “clown pants” for trousers where my kit is too big for me now!
Btw, for the uninitiated … 2nd brown belt means there is now just one belt between me and the mighty black belt in kickboxing, so yeah I do actually kick ass and I do actually have a license to do so! It worked well because instead of my ex dropping the kids off to me just after 7pm, I picked them up at 8.15pm on my way home from training!
I feel energised, motivated and refreshed. It was amazing to be out there and exercising properly and at the end of the training session I was actually ready to do the whole lot again! I’d worried that I would be really really unfit because I haven’t been exercising properly over the last 12 months, but my trainer (who was gobsmacked when I walked through the door!) said that the weight loss was making the difference in how I carry myself as I am lighter on my feet now and hence why although I hadn’t exercised or trained … some of the high kicks were easier than I remembered them!!
It was good to be back too – kickboxing always was my escape from my home life, and now that it isn’t an escape anymore, it’ll just be part of my new improved self and a way of keeping fit, having some self defence moves, and – thanks to meeting AP – allowing myself to continue experiencing new food and flavours to make sure I never go back down the eating disorder path ever EVER again.
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