A wall of tired!

One good thing about the kids being off school for half term is that I don’t have to get up at 6.30am, but at the same time I don’t like to sleep in too long either or it ends up completely wasting the entire day.

It’s VERY difficult juggling the housework, shopping, laundry, bills, errands and children and work and my relationship with AP when they are off school as they need entertaining! I’m self employed, so I am the boss which makes it a lot easier than some other single parents, but I have to take them down to my premises with me and they get soooo bored… which means I end up not getting as much done as I should … which means orders are delayed. The post office is also having major strikes at the moment and there is now a strike on for the next three days and things are then delayed even MORE before they get to the customers.

UGH it is so frustrating. I wish there were more hours in the day and more days in the week to get everything done because it always gets to late at night and I find I have run out of time to get everything done. Once the time has gone there is no way to get it back again and I find that I kick myself so much for wasting time. For example when I’ve spent an hour just sat on facebook doing pointless quizzes or playing Solitaire in the middle of the day … I could have been sorting out paperwork, tackling a chunk of the ironing, working on the website, cleaning the bathroom or even taking a short nap let alone one of eleventy hundred other things on my “to do” list … *sigh* I need to make better use of my time.

I fell asleep on AP last night – ooopsie! The kids were at their dad’s, AP and I had shared a bottle of wine, just started on the second, were in a half state of nakedness and … the alcohol just hit and I had to lay down and go to sleep!! I entirely blame the fact that I had been so flippin’ knackered earlier in the day and hadn’t managed to get everything done – or find time for an hour’s nap – or eat anything and the alcohol just went straight to my head!!

I’m just soooooo tired …………

I gave him my house key

In the middle of everything that was going on today that I wrote about in my last post (AP, me, him feeling inadequate, weird tension between us …) I had a car accident! AP was driving his car – I was in mine following behind him and we got separated when traffic merged at a roundabout. He went on ahead and was a few cars in front of me so he would have had absolutely no idea that I’d been involved in an accident.

It was possibly my fault as I went into the rear of another car, but the other car was at a junction signalling left and moving forwards. The driver put the brakes on suddenly so I had no choice but to slam my brakes on … but not fast enough and I drove into them – thankfully very slowly! As we were swapping insurance details, I went into shock and started to shake uncontrollably, then just as I got back to my car I collapsed in a quivering heap on the ground! My legs had literally given way and I fell off my feet!!

Passers by recognised I was in shock and before I knew it, an ambulance was on its way! Meanwhile AP was driving around without a clue where I was – he didn’t have his phone on him and I knew he would be worried sick! I even said to the ambulance driver that I had been thinking about giving my boyfriend a key to my house for a while now and this was the perfect timing!!

When I eventually got back home, AP was just driving out of the end of my road on the way back to his house to pick up his phone and try to call me and find out where I was! He was horrified when he found out what had happened … he thought I’d changed my mind on being okay, or that I’d driven off in a huff, and he held me so tight when he realised I’d actually been sat in the back of an ambulance!

I took the key that I had cut for him a while back out of my bag and I gave it to him there and then!! If anything is going to say to somebody I WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND ONLY YOU … then giving them a key to your house is a pretty good way of showing it! He had absolutely the right answer – a huge grin, a look of happiness on his face and said he’d have to get a key cut for me to his place too. That did put a smile on my face, but it wasn’t even about getting a key for his place in return … it was more about letting him know that I want him around and in my life and that as far as I am concerned my home is his home … and hopefully one day we’ll share a home together

And hopefully tomorrow morning he’ll talk to me about the leftover niggle still on his mind …

Ohh and I’m fine by the way – no injuries and the car has a damaged bumper but could have been much worse!